No thank you.
No thank you.
baby beck truett gozur,
you made your way into this world in a strong manner. you did not want out. who could blame you? this world is scary, but oh so sweet… and much sweeter now that you’re here.
you’re a pretty big baby. over 9 lbs at birth… closer to 10 lbs! but no matter how big you get, and i’m guessing you’re going to be taller than me pretty soon, please know that i will ALWAYS be here/there for you. no matter how far you’re parents take you, and where the Lord leads you… i am supporting you, loving you, praying for you, and will always do so.
being an aunt is my favorite roll yet. you’ve got a pretty amazing cousin who i’ve already corrupted. 😉 i can’t wait for you to meet him, and for him to meet you.
i pray everyday for each of you. that you grow up to know and love the Lord. that you are kind. that you are strong and healthy. that you are motivated to help others and succeed in life. i asked God that you never live a life a part from Him, and that you bravely follow Him and lead others to Christ.
i pray for the world to be a better place. that you grow up in a world that isn’t fighting constantly. that the environment you live in is void of hate. & since i know that isn’t happening until Christ’s return, i pray that you live a life of love, and all around you are as well. i pray that your life is full of laughter (with your parents… this is 100% happening), full of playing outside, and full of adventure. i know it will be a good, sweet, life beck. a good sweet life.
welcome to the world little one.
(*obviously not seriously calling a baby an alien parasite, but if you think about it, they kind of are…)
you are inside my sister right now. how incredibly strange is that? my sister who i grew up playing barbies with now has a little gummy bear sized human in her (yeah, those baby apps compare you to veggies/ fruits, but candy is so much better. that’s something i’ll unfortunately teach you when you’re old enough). so weird. so weird, and so lovely.
i just want you to know how loved you are. you are so loved. i just can’t even express that enough.
you didn’t make the cut to be the first born grandchild, so sorry about that. Nephew is definitely always going to be that. but if you could be a healthy girl, i would really love that. as much as i adore Nephew, and sending him boxes of cute little boy clothes, and fun toys- i just really want to play dress-up, tea parties….and barbies. i want to play barbies with you just like i played with your mom. i would like that. (also if you’re a boy who’s in to barbies, that’s cool too.)
also, if you could stop making your mom so sick, that would be ideal. but if it’s an either/or situation…we all would like you to be healthy and strong. so if that means she has to deal with being bed-ridden and nauseous for the next 6 months… we’ll take it. (although she’s a miserable sick person.)
speaking about your mom, there are a few things you should know about your parents…
-they’re crazy weird.
-they love Jesus
-they’re frugal in some ways, and not in others (i still don’t understand what they’re willing to spend money on, and what they’re not. but know this, if you really want something ask grandma & grandpa…or me)
-your parents tricked me into liking they were together. friends before dating. do that.
-your dad went through some phases- Permtrick, Fittrick, ect
-in the past, your mother dressed better than me. i don’t know when that switched, or how that happened. her fashion sense is still stronger, but she just doesn’t care on most days. that’s a good quality.
-your mom’s nicknames include Vanessa and Fushana
-they love you
-like a lot
you’re probably going to end up with a really cool hipster, presidential name. fingers crossed you’re cute. you will be annoyed by me, probably a million times before your 5th birthday. just know, it’s because you are loved.
Emo E (the best title a person can hold)
You’re the best. You deserve the best. If I could squash all the lies of this world I would. They tell you you’re not loved. LIE. Sometimes you hear you’ve not beautiful. LIE! Have you ever felt that no one likes you? HUGE LIE. I freakin’ think you’re awesome. Those puns you tell- keep them coming. Those brownies you bake- YES PLEASE. That snort in your laugh- adorable.
I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch right now. I hate it. I wish I could take the pain, the uncertainty, the nights of tears away. I want to be next to you eating a pint (or three) of ice cream (and not that dairy free stuff either) in bed while watching Netflix (you can even choose what we binge on). Yes, I will snort, snot, and cry with you always (and then laugh because we know I’m the ugliest of criers and snorters).
Please call me at 1am, 11:30pm, and all the times in-between. I promise to be ready with an open ear, a funny story, or a sincere prayer whichever you need (hey, I can even do all three).
I need you. Selfishly, I need you. You’re the one I turn to after a bad day, after a good day, after a funny day. You are an amazing friend- a person I can see standing next to me at my wedding. That is important. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
Friend, if I could take the pain- I would. But I can’t. Since I can’t, I choose to stand by you during the pain (and if you can’t stand, I’ll lie with you). I can’t carry you though. Only guide you to Jesus, the Savior who can carry your burdens and hurt.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
-2 Corinthians 1:2-4
Please remember that you’re so incredibly beautiful. And that no matter how difficult of a decision today contains, you are strong.
I love you dearly and forever,
On the 5th I opened my email to discover an email from myself. What?! Inception?! I completely forgot that one year ago, I came across futureme.org– a website that allows you to send your future self a little (or long) message. It was such a perfect and much needed reminder of how important it is to take time for yourself, but also that we need people. (*also how crazy is it that Gayle and Patrick just got married and it’s been 1 year since they started dating!?)
It’s been rough lately. I can’t remember the last time an introvert day was had. I hope this week you’ve had one- just one really long Satellite coffee day with Jesus and a good book or journal. This week is the week of Kourtney’s wedding- it’s the week Gayle started dating Patrick- it’s the week Taylor moves overseas- it’s the week of everything. I’m writing to remind me to love the LORD always- keep HIM as the important thing in life- never lose sight of HIS grace. Share the good news through words and actions even when you haven’t had a good day to recharge.
It’s been easy to get sucked into the lies lately- everyone is getting married- or everyone has a partner, but me. It’s ok. How have I been serving and honoring God through this time in life? I hope in a year I can look back and say I did and I continue to do so. Fingers laced!
Call LANAY! Call ALEX! Text Dudek! Keep in touch with these ladies- they love you and need to be reminded how amazing and important they are.
It was also so perfect because Lanay happened to be in town visiting family, and we were going to have breakfast together that morning. I was able to share the email with her, and we talked through how important it is to NOT believe the lies that I’m alone in life. Alex also called me that day to confirm her trip out here in October. I am so loved, and God is so good to constantly be reminding me of this. After reading this email, I immediately sat down and wrote another one. A year from now, I hope I’m in a different season of life, but regardless of where I am or what I am doing I pray I am serving God and that I know I am loved.
Happy Father’s Day to you. Even though every day is technically father’s day- you are a dad to me 24/7/365 (or 366 depending on what year it is). I just want to tell you how much I love you! And to thank you for being, truly, the best dad ever.
Thank you for never, ever making me wonder if you loved me or not. A lot of dads are not vocal with how much they love their children, and how proud they are of them. You are. I think this communicative strength of yours instilled my strength that I can do anything (and if I fail- I am still loved).
Dad, thanks for spending time with us. From reading us bedtime stories, to playing patty-cake until we’re in our mid-twenties. Thank you for showing us that family is important (and so is fun). A lot of daughters are not as fortunate to have such amazing parents- and I try, try, try to not take this for-granted. Thank you for being a father to my friends. For loving them. I see so many of my girlfriends struggle with image issues- cutting and starving themselves. Thank you for taking time to talk to them; and to listen to them. Thank you for accepting me. You never tried to make me into anyone other than my weird, weird, weird self. You bought me a dog when I decided my only friend was an imaginary giraffe (Oh, sweet Maxine. She’s still alive in Africa, you know. Imaginary giraffes live for a very long time.)
You are the most patient person I know. I’m not sure if we have ever let you finish a story. 3 daughters and a wife: the world’s greatest interrupters. Thanks for showing me to listen (I’m still working on it). We are so different. If you’re not 5 minutes early, you consider yourself late. If I’m 5 minutes early…. well that will never happen. 😉 And while we are so different, we are so similar. You understand my need for alone time. That sometimes large groups can be overwhelming to me. I, so, appreciate your understanding. It makes me a happier person.
Dad- will I ever find a man who loves me as much as you do? Who will answer my questions? Who will push me to be a better person? Who is excited by my need for adventure? I hope I do. I hope you love him and you guys are best friends (and that I am a little scared of, because I am slightly already jealous of that). You teach me everyday that family is a priority- and that love, as much as it is a feeling, is a decision. Thank you.
Most importantly- you teach me to make my relationship with Jesus my own- that it is not about legalism, but about the Gospel. My peace is that He is always with me- and the best Father of all.
I love you Dad! Happy Father’s Day!