Today I had a cry-fest at work. I had just received one negative, non- constructive email, and then immediately received another (FROM THE SAME PERSON!). My pride was hurt. My brain confused on what the person was asking for. Right after getting this emails and trying to come up with the correct format; my director comes in upset I went to another team member for some editing help before coming to her. I lost it. Everything I have been keeping in these past few weeks poured out. My frustrations with not really being able to do my job because I’m doing other people’s tasks came up… my confusion on what is my job… my hurt that I am not doing my best… ALL WELLED UP AND THEN SHOT OUT OF MY EYES. Like we’re talking hyperventilate crying here. Thankfully my director was so understanding, and it turned into a sweet therapy session, but nonetheless I needed a break after that. I went to read the She Reads Truth daily reading and oh boy did it hit.
1 Corinthians 9: 1-27
I often wonder, “I am running the race Paul talks about wrong?” Did everyone else show up in their Lululemon gear with friends and family, and I came alone in off-brand wear? Was everyone else training when I was eating donuts (metaphorically of course)? Are you all going in the same direction, fast, whereas I haven’t even stepped off the blocks?
Today’s reading was such an important reminder that I’m not be employed by a Christian organization- and that’s GOOD. I am called to share Christ here. I might have sucky days, but I am called here to boast in Christ.
I was reminded that my reward for doing a job well, whether it be mine or a coworkers’ does not come from my director… but rather from the Lord. My frustrations, He hears. He asks me to tell them to Him, so that He can remind me that I do not work for praise or approval from man; but to do my job well for His glory. To be disciplined at work. To be organized at work.
To be prepared.
To run that race, and for Him. That I might run it slower, but to finish well. To stop comparing myself to the other runners who might be running with better jobs, with families, with fancier gear… He has reminded me in the midst of this urgh day that we are all running toward the same finish line- so stop comparing yourself to the other runners/ spectators.
So I’m running. I’m running away from my pride. I’m running away from my fears. I’m running away from comparison. I’m running away from guilt. I’m running away from my laziness. I running to Him. And I’m going to run with my head stretched out, looking toward Him.