Psalm 25

IMG_E3263[1].JPG

I’m trying to follow along as my church does the Bible in a year via the ‘ReadScripture’ app. It’s been difficult, but also super sweet. Difficult because we literally just spend 6 months going over Genesis so I really was just skimming over it and not actually take time to meditate upon the Word. Sweet because His truth is everywhere throughout the Bible. Right now we’re in Exodus…. so that’s been fun (not). I appreciate that through some of the not as….ummm… life applicable Scripture, the daily reading is paired with a Psalm (actually all the readings are paired with a Psalm!).

To be honest, I’m probably spending more time reflecting on the Psalm than I am on any of the chapters of Exodus. The description of how to build the sanctuary and all the details are very precise, and that’s cool… but also makes me so happy that the old is over, and Jesus is the new.

the 25th, was the 25th Psalm.

25 To you, O LORD, I olift up my soul.

O my God, in you I ptrust;

qlet me not be put to shame;

rlet not my enemies exult over me.

Indeed, snone who wait for you shall be put to shame;

they shall be ashamed who are twantonly utreacherous.

vMake me to know your ways, O LORD;

teach me your paths.

Lead me in your wtruth and teach me,

for you are the God of my salvation;

for you I wait all the day long.

Remember your xmercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love,

yfor they have been from of old.

Remember not zthe sins of my youth or my transgressions;

according to your asteadfast love remember me,

for the sake of your goodness, O LORD!

bGood and upright is the LORD;

therefore he cinstructs sinners in the way.

He leads the humble in what is right,

and teaches the humble his way.

10  All the paths of the LORD are dsteadfast love and faithfulness,

for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

11  For your ename’s sake, O LORD,

pardon my guilt, for it is fgreat.

12  Who is the man who fears the LORD?

Him cwill he instruct in the way that he should choose.

13  His soul shall gabide in well-being,

and his hoffspring ishall inherit the land.

14  jThe friendship2 of the LORD is for those who fear him,

and he makes known to them his covenant.

15  My keyes are ever toward the LORD,

for he will lpluck my feet out of the net.

16  mTurn to me and be gracious to me,

for I am lonely and afflicted.

17  The troubles of my heart are enlarged;

bring me out of my distresses.

18  nConsider my affliction and my trouble,

and forgive all my sins.

19  Consider how many are my foes,

and with what violent hatred they hate me.

20  Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me!

oLet me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.

21  May integrity and uprightness preserve me,

for I wait for you.

22  pRedeem Israel, O God,

out of all his troubles.

I Will Bless the Lord

Of David.

“Make me to know your ways, O LORDteach me your paths. Lead me in your truth 

and teach mefor you are the God of my salvationfor you I wait all the day long.”

As we wait on the Lord, I pray we are joyous in Him always, that we trust Him, that we are eager to learn more about Him, and grow our relationship with Him. I ask that He comforts us in the pains of this world, and that through our waiting, we are being the light He commands us to be.

These reminders have served me so importantly these past few days. My mind has been in a slight state of delirium (men. hmphf. crushes. argh.) and trying to remind myself that my purpose for eternity is not to be married, or not…. my purpose isn’t to to dwell on my troubles, because these next 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years on this earth are literally the worst years of my eternity, why dwell on them? I get a trillion years after to praise Jesus at His feet, and the next trillion after that will be glorifying Him too, and the next trillion? Painless, worryless, doubtless…. so good.

Advertisements

Bullying

An 8-year-old girl sits alone on the swingset at recess, looking down at what you’ve just thrown at her. Her tears hit the rocks, they hit the swing, they hit papers now fluttering by the her that say 1-800- Jenny (aka Jenny Craig). At 8, she’s already sensitive to her height (she’s the tallest kid in class), and her weight. At 8. No child should be worried about being teased about this. And why should you care to point this out, you’re only 8 too? This was a girl you once played with. She came to your birthday party. Why the change? Why are you mean to her now?

If you had the chance to apologize to someone you were mean to would you take it? Or would you want a bully to reach out to acknowledge their wrong-doings to you?

20 years.

20 years ago I was a real jerk. I was the girl that threw the papers. I went home the day before to type it up. A few days before that, I hatched the planned with a couple other mean 8-year olds. Weeks before I probably realized the fact that it was a bully or be-bullied world; not recognizing that their are indeed, more than those two options.

For the past 10-12 years (thanks social media) I’ve tried to looked that little 8-year-old girl up. To make sure she’s doing ok. To apologize for that day…and for so many other times. To let her know that I AM NOT A MEAN GIRL ANYMORE. Her hurt resonated with me so much, that because of her, I have vowed to never be mean to another person. To never treat anyone as less than. To be kind, and a friend to all. (Sorry that I’m also a little shy, so that comes off as mean at first!) I haven’t been able to find her, until today.

Today I googled it all. Her name. Her name plus her oooooold dog’s name (pretty sure her dog still isn’t alive). Her name plus her dad’s job. Her name plus…. everything. TODAY HER SISTER’S NAME popped up in my head! 20 years.

After a lot of stalking; I found her. And I’ve practice my note to her so many times…. but now I can send it and I find myself wondering: Is this for her, or is this for me?

Will this open up hurt that she’s over? Will it be cathartic for her that her pain has been acknowledged? Will she even care?

The note has been written. Tonight I pray over it. Tomorrow… I send it?

She Reads Truth | Matthew 17 & 18

SRT-Matthew-Instagram-17.jpg

Do you ever read the Bible and think that the disciples were scaredy-cats or just plain dumb? I do. LOL. But then when I re-read and really think about how I would react, I realize that’s probably exactly how I would react! Ummm yes, if I was hiking and a bright, cloud started talking to me, NO MATTER WHAT IT SAID, I would be freaking out in fear/ confusion. FREAKING OUT. But also, how sweet to have the comfort of Jesus saying to not have fear and to get up. I just imagine being pee-your-pants afraid, and at the sound of his voice just being enveloped in warmth, and safety. I have to remember this (a lot) when I’m nervous- and you know what? Sometimes I actually feel the warmth.

Also when you think of the disciples, it’s like… they had a lot of faith (AND got to witness the signs of Christ… so I mean, they should have been ballin’ in the trusting the Lord department). They were doing a lot in the name of the Lord. A lot. BUT yet still, their faith wasn’t the comparable to the mustard seed. DANG. What’s mine comparable to? Like a speck of sand?

When I read the stories of Jesus, I’m encouraged that we, truly are made in the image of God. And also the freedom that THERE IS NO WAY WE WILL EVER BE GOD. We may have the mercy capacity to forgive a friend, a co-worker, a sibling 7 times for the same grievance, but 77? Oh no way- there is no way. I can’t do 77 without the Spirit. I can’t move mountains without God. I can’t get to heaven without Jesus.

As much as a control freak as I can be, there is such peace knowing that God’s love and unending forgiveness is free- and because of  this I am no longer a slave to the “can’ts” in life.

Also, if you haven’t checked out She Reads Truth… do it. Such a great resource.

 

 

#auntlifeisthebestlife

guys, aunt life is the best life. for real.

I never, ever thought I would say this or feel this way, but these two boys are my heart- I’ve never prayed more for two humans in my life. For them to love God, to never know a life apart from the grace of Jesus… that they’re motivated, healthy, smart, funny, seen, loved and loving, … I pray for their present, for their future, for any hurt they ever experience to be given to the Lord. Ugh, these two.

And honestly, as obsessed as I am: children are exhausting. As much as I love them, hanging out with them reeeeealllly wears a person out. THEY HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY. THEY MOVE SO MUCH. How do parents do this 24/7? TRUE HEROS.

That’s probably the best part of aunt life. 😉 I can go home; reenergize and come back when I want to. (#selfishbuthappy) It’s been such a gift from God to be an aunt. He knows my hurt from not being at a place in life to have a child of my own, so He’s given me so many opportunities to love on the kids in my life.

 

What a blessing it is to see these two crazies grow up. I don’t love that they’re going to grow up in different states/ countries, but that’s only because I want them to both be near me always and forever. ❤

is it 2019 yet?

IMG_3283.JPG

These last few weeks I’ve found it so difficult to want to journal. Each time I do I reread what was written and just feel so gross. It’s, like, get over your pity party girl.

The past few weeks have not been kind to my body. I went to Florida on the 19th of December, where I succumbed to bronchitis (luckily I got a few good fun days in with the nephew and fam before the body aches hit). Right after bronchitis I got the flu and intense sinus pressure. Flying back home with that sinus pressure was a real treat (note the hard sarcasm). It’s been almost 2 weeks home, and my ears and head pressure still haven’t popped. My hearing is off, and the headaches are constant.

I HATE COMPLAINING, but I’m the biggest baby when I’m sick, and I’m just so ready to kick whatever is lingering and finally celebrate being in the new year.

If there’s one big thing I’ve learned coming out of this funk, it’s social media LIES. When my friends/ coworkers saw me after the holidays they all thought I had a great break because I only posted photos that illustrated happiness and life. In person, I was a hot-mess (minus the hot… just a mess). On Christmas I posted a photo of a wreath that I had taken weeks before… because in reality on Christmas I was alone (my fam went to Disney World… don’t go to Disney World on Christmas Day). I guess I wasn’t alone on Christmas- I had Dayquil, throat lozenges, chloraseptic spray, Friends, and so many tissues (so many tissues) to keep me company.

I posted pics of our family photo session where I’m smiling like a fool… you think I’m happy? Oh no… my poor family had to be near my grumpy, oozing self. I kept reminding them how sick I was and how appreciative they should be that I even tried. How annoying! But social media doesn’t tell you that.

My social media doesn’t tell you that my gas tank light is on, or that I overslept (again), or that ‘candid photo’ is 1/10(or 100) on my camera roll..

And you know what? I think that’s ok. I think it’s ok that I’m only putting pretty pictures on my feed. I think it’s ok to share only the good with acquaintances, strangers, and friends. I think it’s ok as long as we remember that this is what everyone is doing. To not compare our fake versions of perfection with someone else’s. And to be REAL (like reveal your heart and soul real) with your kindred-spirit type friends.

I think it’s ok to share the perfect and beautiful on social media (because sometimes life really is that picturesque), only if we’re willing to share the ugly and real with people in real life (and hey, maybe throw a #reallife post in your social media too).

So I’m not really into making resolutions, but my intention this year is to be more real while writing, and being ok with it not sounding like I’m living my most Instagrammable life. 😉

(also to get better- goodbye sore throats, goodbye ear/head pressure, goodbye snotty nose, goodbye weak cough…please never come back.)