I’m writing this blog because one of my closest’s friends is pregnant through IVF. I can’t even imagine the intense emotions this brings to a person/ family, but I DO KNOW THERE ARE NOT A LOT OF POSTS FOR PEOPLE SUPPORTING FRIENDS GOING THROUGH IVF! Why? I Google everything (except how to clean a fish tank…), and when I looked for some friendship stuff for IVF… NOTHING. Thanks internet.
Anyway, there’s not the perfect way to be a friend through IVF, but here are a few things I’ve learned/ done/ decided on…
- BE FLEXIBLE (and forgiving). Oh my gosh, they’re shooting themselves with hormone shots EVERYDAY. Who knows what kind of emotions they’re going through. Maybe you’ve made plans to meet up and last minute they cancel. GET OVER IT. THEY ARE LITERALLY TAKING SHOTS TO THE BUM. Enjoy the night off with no plans.
- THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO INTERJECT WITH YOUR BELIEFS ON IVF. Agree or disagree, your friend is doing it. They’ve thought about it. They don’t need you to tell them about the science/ religious beliefs behind your ideology. (For the record, I love Jesus, and I think whatever way you decide to start a family is the way YOU decide to start a family.) This is also not the time to talk about IVF behind their back with other friends. Ugh, stop it already.
- Don’t share their news, and don’t assume all their friends know (whoops). Don’t share they’ve decided to undergo IVF, that’s their news/ decision. Don’t share they’re pregnant. Let them have that. If people complain that she’s never around anymore or not being herself; stand up for your friend without telling everyone what she’s going through.
- Remember when BE FLEXIBLE was #1? It’s also kind of #3. When plans get canceled, maybe take a meal over instead, or the next day. Your friend has to rest a lot, and maybe could use some help meal prepping. Or send flowers. Seriously, just get them a “just because” present. They deserve it. (Shots… everyday. No.)
- IVF doesn’t always work. In fact, statistically, it’s not a very high percentage. So be prepared for it to not… that means being there and still loving on your friend. They’ve just put their body through X amount of months of torturous doctor appointments and spent X amount of dollars in hopes of having a baby. Let them know that you’re there if they WANT to talk, or not. Take them on a spa day. I didn’t buy any baby specific gifts until my friend was 3 months pregnant…
- I DID make a big deal after the ‘procedure,’ (idk what the best thing to say is…) was done. She couldn’t do a lot for a few days, but I brought over dinner (+dessert, be real here), got her a friendship necklace and wrote a note about how amazing she is, and how Albuquerque and my life wouldn’t be the same without her. I also put that I’m so excited for her and her hubs to start a family, and that sentimental jazz too.
- When your friendship group all knows you’re doing IVF, and you’re pregnant, sometimes the pregnancy isn’t celebrated as much. Yeah, we all were praying for you when you got your procedure done. We know the egg is in there… we know you picked the gender… so parents don’t really get to announce their pregnancy in a ‘cute way.’ In my opinion, this SUCKS. So when 3 months hit, and she was still pregnant, I bought some baby clothes and just celebrated with them! Celebrate the baby!
- IVF pregnancies can be scary- scary in that they’re more high-risk (in my mind, no medical degree here). My friend has had some heavy bleeding scares lately and can’t do any activities really. Send encouraging texts, let them know they’re in your thoughts & prayers, offer to bring food, order food in for them, send a greetabl (guys I love greetabl), ask about the baby/ pregnancy, but don’t be pushy (this should go for all babies/ preggo ladies).
- DO continuously pray for the baby/ momma/ daddy/ pregnancy.
- THROW THEM A SHOWER. OMG. Why is this even a question/ option?!?!
I’m very fortunate to have friends who are going to be amazing parents. I’ve very fortunate that they’re 5 months pregnant and Baby S is healthy. I’m very fortunate that they’ve decided to share this part of their life with me. I’m very fortunate that when there are scares, I know about them and can love on the couple and pray for them. I’m very fortunate that I get to be in this baby’s life and have another cute ‘nephew’ to hold.
Baby S, YOU ARE SO LOVED. Please stop scaring your parents & me, those two are too amazing to be going through all your scares! I’m praying for you now, and I’ll pray for you for always.
February can’t come soon enough. Fingers crossed you’re cute. ; )