Being 28 is not old. But right now I feel like I’m missing some goals… ugh goals is not the right word, but it’s the word I have right now. Some ‘goals’ I have are to get married and have babies.
WHAT?!?! Where did this come from Liz? I mean I’ve always wanted to get married, but having babies has never been on my radar (except for adoption, I’ve always felt led to adopt). A while back in September I baby-sat my nephew for a few hours. During his nap, I just stared at him, prayed over him, and cried a little (creepy, right?). I prayed for his health, for him to know and love Jesus, and that he would be a kind, sweet man. I cried because it hit me… the baby bug hit me. A week later as I was in Target’s baby area, shopping for others, I started bawling. Like heavy tears. I had to leave. A week after that I sat in my dear friend’s home crying to her, being vulnerable and finally honest with another sister, about what my heart is going through. It’s safe to say I have started grieving over gifts that the Lord has not given me.
I know God is good, and my singleness is a gift (even if I don’t want this gift, I have it. USE IT, at least for now, USE IT!). My singleness does not mean I’m a second-class citizen of Christ (and thank you Lord that I don’t feel that way in my life, in my church, or in my group of good friends). My childlessness does not mean I was not made to love children, right now I’m looking for ways that I can love kids that need it. Sometimes, a lot of the time, being single sucks. I’m ok with saying that. It’s hard when you’re surrounded by happy couples with their sweet, adorable babies, especially when they only want to talk marraige and babies…
What I’ve learned from this is it’s ok to be sad that I’m not married (In the US 27.9 is actually the average age for a woman to marry, but I’m not average, right?). I can grieve over the fact that I want something that I might not get in my “correct timeline,” or ever. (OR EVER… and God is still good).
It’s ok be a little sad when all friends want to talk about is babies, but also to remember that I have been chosen to have a place in these babies’ lives too! What a blessing to be the aunt that points them to Christ. The aunt that always has sugar, or knows all the cool activities to do. It’s ok to be the socially awkward lady who cannot talk to good looking men…. but also wish she could. lol. It’s ok to be these things, but in the end it’s most important to know that following God is ALL I’m called to do. And I can do that single.