I am a emotional bottler. I keep all my non-happy emotions stored inside me until there’s too many and I just pop. (Also, the pop is probably my favorite onomatopoeia.)
Yesterday was a pop day. Also sometimes when I pop I cry. Or laugh uncontrollably. Sometimes it comes in heavy tears. Or light tears. And other times complete crankiness. Yesterday was an all the above type day.
The day started off with finding out one of our kids passed away the night before. Cancer sucks. SUCKS. SUCKS.
It continued with going into work and everyone around me being a bit grumpy. Ew. No thank you.
Then I found out I had to drive a town away after work for an interview with another family. Not the worst, just not super convenient.
After that, I received an email from my apartment saying that they were doing next day apartment inspections and pets had to be kenneled or out of the home. UGH. My apartment was a mess (like a “I haven’t done dishes in a month mess & my closet looks like it threw up.” btw that’s just a sink full, not like overflowing). AND WHERE DO I PUT MY DOG WHO HAS NEVER BEEN IN A CAGE?
After work I drove to my apartment to walk Dolce, and then left for the interview. During my drive I called my bestie, Lanay, to tell her I had to cancel our Bible-study call. While I tried to cancel, we ended up talking. ALL my crankiness came out. It was such a sweet relief. She just listened to me vent. She heard my pain, and frustration and just listened. It is so good to just be heard. To not argue or try to justify why I’m feeling feelings, but just to be loved during my frustration. I hope everyone has a friend like Lanay.
I went to the interview and cried. The child, the sweet, beautiful child was adopted, and dad went into deep detail about the abuse the child had suffered. It just broke my heart. I was sad for the pain the child, and siblings endure for too long- and the lasting consequences of the abuse. Angry that this could happen (drugs suck). Joyful that he was no longer in an abusive home and so loved by his family. ALL the feelings at once is hard.
Driving away I felt all the feelings again. As I picked up Dolce from my apartment to drop her off at my parents (much to their thrill), I called Lanay to talk about Hebrews. Guys, it was so good. We talked about His sovereignty and how He fulfills His promises. It was so, I can’t even explain, so perfect to talk about Truth in a time of suckiness.
I dropped Dolce off, watched Survivor (because come on, it’s on its 16th year and I can’t stop! won’t stop), and ate gelato. Went back to my apartment and cleaned until 2am. During my cleaning time, Lanay would periodical text me words of encouragement. She didn’t expect a response, just kept saying that I could do it. Lanay, move back to NM!
Also, yesterday was the type of day that led me to searching for Christian therapists again (I think I found one!). I told Lanay that in one of our chats, and she was super supportive. I think we should be more honest about our hurt, and emotion; and our search for help. It’s surprising how many people are also looking for someone to talk to, and/or empathize with.
I did it. Guys, I made it through yesterday. I can make it though today.