I Am Not Enough

(This title has nothing to do with looks or overall self-worth- you are valuable.)

Today I woke upon the wrong side of the bed. Literally and figuratively. Literally, because rolling over to the other side was easier than pushing Dolce Dog off. Figuratively, I have no idea why. I was excited to be getting breakfast with my sister, but overwhelmed with spending a day off with people.

Well let’s just say the morning didn’t go as planned, and I didn’t like that. I dramatically left my sister’s apartment in tears. I text two of my closest friends, but neither was available right away. As I drove off, I felt like turning to God, but then part of me rebelled and just turned on the radio.

I drove to my parents. Lanay called me to talk some love into me, but my nephew kept yelling into my ear- so I was pretty distracted. I do know Lanay’s advice was Godly. I do know that I didn’t like it.

The day was basically a day of me avoiding God and trying to turn to others. I went to Gayle’s work to drop off some bridal shower invites, while there I was hoping another friend would be able to hang. She wasn’t. So I called another friend. She wasn’t available either.

When I got to my apartment I just kept repeating over and over “Go to Jesus, Go to Him.” I washed dishes. BUT FINALLY HE WON. I opened up “Jesus Calling,” to today’s devotional. I am so glad I did.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ”

-James 1:2

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

-2 Corinthians 12:9

While I am not thrilled that I feel less than worthy today, and while I don’t like feeling second. I began today with ‘inadequate resources’ and I didn’t rely on Jesus. Instead this morning I just rushed through my day and felt sorry for myself. The moment I realized I was feeling like poop I should have taken a few minutes to rest in Him. I am weak, but He is strong. We sing this as children, but it is so true to our everyday lives. He is stronger than me in everything. When I feel unworthy- Jesus is worthy. He blesses me with that. When I feel second- be glad that He is my all. There are no firsts, seconds, or thirds with Him. He is it. 

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